The Poem Stuck in My Head
If you grew up going to church, you already know Psalm 139. Even if you didn’t, parts of it are floating around your brain. It is afavorite of pro-life people, because it talks about God recognizing us in the womb, taking care of us, and knowing how we’ll turn out. (It is also—I’d bet money on this—the source of our hundred-year-old American expression “search me.”)
Psalm 139 gets my vote for being the most beautiful of the psalms in the King James version. The other day I happened to read it in French and it left me cold—it conjured up surveillance—whereas the high-low diction of the King James translators sings and is intimate, because you would only sing this way to a God you loved: “If I ascend up into heaven, thou art there: if I make my bed in hell, behold, thou art there. If I take the wings of the morning, and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea, even there thy hand shall lead me.”It’s like an advertisem*nt for the English language.
An old boss of mine used to claim that the most seductive words are not “I love you,” but “I understand you.” Surely a deep need is expressed by the line, “Thou knowest my downsitting and my uprising, thou understandest my thought afar off.” That fantasy, of someone who knows your every move—who sees the entire picture—and looks out for you all the same, may be pernicious or childish. But how do we outgrow it? To hear the poem, anyhow, is to feel the problem.
1 OLORD,thou hastsearchedme, andknownme.
2 Thouknowestmydownsittingand mineuprising,
thouunderstandestmythoughtafaroff.
3 Thoucompassest mypathand my lyingdown,
and artacquaintedwith all myways.
4 For there is not awordin mytongue,
but, lo, OLORD,thouknowestit altogether.
5 Thou hastbesetmebehindandbefore,
andlaidthinehandupon me.
6 Such knowledgeis toowonderfulfor me;
it ishigh, Icannotattain unto it.
7 Whither shall Igofrom thyspirit?
Or whither shall Ifleefrom thypresence?
8 If I ascendupintoheaven,thou art there:
if I make mybedinhell,behold, thou art there.
9 If Itakethewingsof themorning,
and dwellin the uttermostpartsof thesea;
10 Even there shall thyhandleadme,
and thy righthandshallholdme.
11 If Isay, Surely thedarknessshallcoverme;
even thenightshall belightaboutme.
12 Yea, thedarknesshideth not from thee;
but thenightshinethas theday:
thedarknessand thelightare both alike to thee.
13 For thou hastpossessedmyreins:
thou hastcoveredme in mymother’swomb.
14 I willpraisethee; for I amfearfullyand wonderfullymade:
marvellousare thyworks;
and that mysoulknowethrightwell.
15 Mysubstance was nothidfrom thee,
when I wasmadeinsecret,
and curiouslywroughtin the lowestpartsof theearth.
16 Thineeyesdidseemy substance, yet beingunperfect;
and in thybookall my members werewritten,
which incontinuancewerefashioned,
when as yet there was noneof them.
17 Howpreciousalso are thythoughtsunto me, OGod!
Howgreatis thesumof them!
18 If I shouldcountthem, they are more innumberthan thesand:
when Iawake, I amstillwith thee.
19 Surely thou wiltslaythewicked,OGod:
departfrom me therefore, yebloodymen.
20 For theyspeakagainst theewickedly,
and thineenemiestakethy name invain.
21 Do not Ihatethem, OLORD,thathatethee?
And am not Igrievedwith those that riseupagainst thee?
22 Ihatethem withperfecthatred:
I count them mineenemies.
23 Searchme, OGod,andknowmyheart:
tryme, andknowmythoughts:
24 Andseeif there be any wicked wayin me,
andleadme in thewayeverlasting.
Lorin Stein is editor of The Paris Review.
